Things that were wrong with Eclipse

Even the poster is lazy

  1. Choppy editing
  2. Recasting the role of Victoria, replacing the sultry Rachelle LeFevre with the sexless Bryce Dallas Howard
  3. A terrible score (something the first two Twilight films got very, very right with lesser budgets.)
  4. Poor CGI - For real, many of the winter scenes looked like a Narnia posters.
  5. Bella’s interaction with Jacob-as-werewolf reminded me of the kid interacting with the giant dog in The Neverending Story.
  6. 90% of the film used close ups. I don’t know if this was to appeal to 13-year-old girls who want to feel like Jacob was talking to them, or if the sets looked shitty and had to be forced out of the frame in editing. Either way, a really poor choice.
  7. Classic Scream-style 90s horror movie/action movie cinematography (the outside of the house at night! No identifiable colour story! Action sequences with close-ups of angry faces!), none of which captured the beauty of Vancouver/Seattle/wherever the hell these movies are filmed.
  8. Neither Billy Burke nor Anna Kendrick were funny in their roles, even though they managed to be funny in the first two films with the same screenwriter penning similarly wooden scripts. This (and Kristen Stewart’s lack of mumbling) lead me to believe that the director chose to put the kibosh on ad libbing.
  9. Set design, which was a real strong point in the second film, felt lazy here. 
  10. Expensive flashback sequences (lots of new actors/extras) that were so poorly executed, they didn’t add anything to the story, even though the backstory they provided should have been a depth-providing highlight.
  11. I don’t love Jacob Black, but at least in the books he’s sarcastically funny. None of that was here. In fact, this film sorely lacked any of the sense of humour that gave the first two films a self-effacing charm.
  12. Wigs. What’s the point of spending money on special effects if everyone has creepy Marie Osmond brand doll hair?
  13. Bella’s ring, basically a giant oval covered in pave diamonds. Really? Was the ring based on what was available to choose from for a Hot Topic licensing deal?
  14. Actors that really brought it in the second film (specifically Taylor Lautner and Dakota Fanning) weren’t as impactful this time around. Something I’d guess is due to bad direction.
  15. Bad wolf CGI. And with the chance to learn from the mistakes of the last film, it’s really inexcusable.

I’m sure there’s more, but this is what stands out an hour after viewing. Also, I’m this guy now:

Worst. Movie. Ever.